Chisel
by piste off
Summary: A one shot parody of the first saw movie


Chisel

"Huh…where am I? A man suddenly awoke with a shock. He tried to get up only to find that he had been chained to the wall by his ankle. The room he was in was fairly large and empty. It had a white tile floor and plain white walls with a single pink bunny painted on the ceiling, trust me that single bunny just added pizzazz. The room was poorly lit with all of the four of the corners of the room pitch black. However there was a bathtub next to the left wall with an obese man in it who seemed to be unconscious, with something shiny on his chest. There was one more thing in the room though; it was a television screen at the front of the room with a speaker built into it. There was a microphone over the man's head and a camera next to the TV. A voice started to come out of the TV as a picture of a sock puppet appeared…

"Hello Ted."

"What… how do you know my name?"

"I know many things about you Ted like the facts that you have six toes on your left foot and you were born with a tail."

"That's not true."

"Well…uh… I knew your name damnit! Oh and I know you bowl on every Wednesday and Friday and go to the gym on Saturdays and you get pedicures every two weeks in Tuesdays." Exclaimed the little puppet proudly.

"What how the hell do you figure out that kind of stuff?"

"I have my sources."

"Like what?"

"Google plus the fact that I have been following you around for quite some time."

"So the past few weeks I've been stalked by a, sock puppet?'

"Precisely."

"How did I not see that?

"I'm quite stealthy."

"But you're a sock puppet…how can you be stealthy?"

"Hey don't ask me I'm not the one who can just happen top miss a full grown man and his sock puppet."

"That may be true but why am I here?"

"Because I am going to test you and the other man in a little game of sorts."

"I don't think I like this game."

"Ha! You're not supposed to."

"So how do I win this game?"

"What's the magic word?"

"Please?"

"Oh my god, how did you know that… anyway you have to escape this room that is how you win this game. How you escape is up to you and the fat man."

"What is the prize of this so called game?"

"Your life." Just as the maniacal little sock said those words the TV turned off. Ted then scrambled over to the tub and tried to wake the other man up. Ted's earlier questions of why it smelled so bad in the room were answered.

"Hey! Wake up! Hello! The man seemed persistent to sleep after Ted yelled at him a few times. Hmm aha I must change my tactics". Ted slapped the man across the face a couple of times then he started to come to.

"Hmmm where am I, who are you? Uh why am I wet did something happen last night I should be aware of. Asked the strange fat man incoherently."

"Not much…except the fact that we've both been captured by a deranged man and his even more deranged sock puppet." Replied Ted

"Ah the usual I see?"

"No he's threatening to kill us both."

"Umm."

"You mean this happened before."

"Well dude I have been to some really crazy parties.So who are you?"

"My name is Ted and you are?"

"Nathan. Oh and are you planning to get me out of this tub anytime soon or what…"

"Sorry I'll help to the best of my ability as you can see I'm kind of attached to the wall." Ted helped Nathan his new found ally out of the tub managing to save the thing on is chest."

"What did you take off my chest?" asked Nathan

"It's a key!" exclaimed Ted.

"A key to what?"

"Check if it fits in the door." Nathan fumbled around with the key for a bit and tried to put it in the key slot.

"Nope."

"Go check one of the corners to see if anyone has a place to put a key." Nathan slowly but steadily made his way to the corner behind him.

"Wow" uttered Nathan

"What is it Nathan?"

"It's a…box but it's locked."

"Forgetting something Nathan."

"Ummm yes."

"What did we just find?"

"A key… … …OH!" Nathan opened the box with the key and showed Ted the contents. The box contained a hammer and a chisel. He took them both and approached Ted next to the wall. He held the chisel on Ted's leg and raised the hammer."

"Whoah! Nathan for the love of God Stop!"

"What?"

"What are you doing you idiot?!"

"I was going to you know chisel your foot so you could escape."

"No Nathan bad give me the tools…Nathan now!"

"Ok." Nathan said disappointedly as he handed over the hammer and chisel. Ted was in such a hurry to get out of the chains that he got through the chains in a matter of seconds. They both got up and ran for the door. Ted began to whack away at the door with no success when the TV turned on.

"Hey what are you doing? I don't like people smashing my stuff."

"Ok then why don't you open the door for us or I'll just have to keep smacking it with the hammer."

"Fine but only one of you can exit through the door alive. Two last tasks will decide the victor and who wins."

"Huh? The victor means the one that wins…"

"That's beside the point."

"Anyway only one of us can leave…well that sucks ok adios Nathan."

"Hey what makes you think I'll lose!?"

"Well one you're a bumbling imbecile, two no cares if you get out because no one loves you."

"That may be true but what if it's a food eating contest."

"Then you'll probably get over excited and pass out which is an automatic victory for me."

"That's it I'm going to kick your ass!" Nathan won the struggle to get up then charged at Ted only to trip on the chain. Then after fifteen useless minutes of blubbering he got up and the puppet began.

"Ok the second final challenge… shout your name!"

"Ted!" shouted Ted

"Nathan! Oh crap, retry!" pleaded Nathan angrily

"No next and final challenge I'm thinking of a number between one and 10…the closest guess wins. Ok, go!"

"6"shouted Nathan

"7"shouted Ted equally as loud"

"Ted you may go free"

"Yes!"

"What was the number?"

"Six point eight"

"You can't choose decimals!" argued Nathan

"I just did"

Nathan never left the maniacal man's clutches and Ted lived a fairly uneventful life after that. However the lunatic who held them hostage is holding a funeral for his beloved crazy sock puppet…it will be missed.


End file.
